Life In General

I am so tired. No amount of coffee or Red Bull injections has or will help. I’m just physically and mentally exhausted to the point that I’ve found myself staring off into the void occassionally throughout the day.

I wake up, get dressed, grab breakfast, make sure Andy doesn’t leave without food, put a load of laundry in the washer, go to work, shovel food in my face during lunch so I can go back to work quicker, work retail for four hours, come home, make candles, paint signs, watch an episode of Grace and Frankie (oh my god, please watch!), go to bed, wake up, and do it all over again.

Folks, I’m in an unending loop of I’m-too-busy-to-live. I can’t even take the time to make the videos I want for the blog, which makes me wonder if I’m wasting my time telling you all how lost I feel lately. (Could have spent this time preparing the next big meal for my blog… or could I have?)

See, there are days where I think I can do it all. And I do. I truly get everything done that I want to do, but it’s just not satsifying, because tomorrow brings more tasks that need to be done. Many of which only exist now because I finished my To Do list today. See? Loop.

Sorry about the rant guys, just needed a minute to get this off my chest, take a breather, and reboot. I’m counting down the days until my friends and I shut down our cellphones, put away our iPads, and head off into the Maine wilderness for our vacation to Moosehead, Maine. It is, by far, the best week of the year. No work, no responsiblities, no worries.

I keep rewatching our vacation video from last year and dreaming that tomorrow is the day we leave. It’s not, but it’s a good dream. Anyway, keep an eye out for our moose sighting, it’s on the video. You won’t want to miss it.

I just worked one of the most beautiful weddings this weekend and I had to share it with you all! I don’t normally post about the events Andy and I work, but this one, I just had to. We had a blast in the booth and everyone had so much fun (staff included).

A long time ago, Andy was approached to work a wedding in Provincetown with his photo booth (Seacoast Photo Booths). We had no idea what to expect, other than we were going to get to see the Cape on a weekend, which for us is totally unexpected with our super busy schedules. We didn’t know too much about the venue, just that we’d have power and possibly might need to stake down the backdrop due to wind.

When we drove up to the venue (Pilgrim Monument) and walked into the tent, our jaws dropped. Gold forks and knives, tables blooming with fresh flowers, candle lit lanterns, and a view of the ocean. Gorgeous! I have the pictures to prove it. We also took a hike up to the top of the monument – which I totally suggest, because the view was spectacular!

We set up our booth, nautically-themed (per the brides’ request). We had sailor hats, captain’s hats, buoys, squid hats, and custom printed life savers. Andy was clever enough to put the brides’ name on one, which turned out so cute and was a very popular prop. Like any event, it took a awhile for people to warm up to the idea of getting their picture taken in the booth, but we had such a busy booth once dinner was over.

And I have to say that both brides looked so happy all night. I don’t think I’ve seen a happier couple in a while and they never left each other’s side all night! Congratulations Nellie and Tracie!

If you want a peek at all the photos from the photo booth from their wedding, take a peek here: Click.

My heart hurts today. A year ago today was the last weekend I saw my grandmother alive.

That’s a weird sentence to write. It’s been almost a year since she passed, but it’s still super surreal to me. I love my mom and I love my dad, but my grandparents did a lot for me when I was growing up and helping raise me.

I have stories none of my other cousins have because I used to live at my grandparent’s house for the summer. I slept at their house in the back room with the quilted blanket watching the car lights from Route 7 occassionally light the room. I helped her hang clothes on the clotheslines while listening for the buzzer to go off in the store (they owned a campground) announcing someone was there. I picked strawberries, blueberries, even poatoes with her. I was and still am the first grandchild. I’m supposed to be strong.

But it hurts.

I’m not the most outwardly emotional person in the family. When everyone cries, I suck it up. So today it has been extremely hard not to let myself cry when Timehop reminded me that a year ago my grandparents had driven up to Vermont to see my youngest cousin’s graduation. I drove over from New Hampshire to join them, and to this day, I’m so grateful that I did.

I didn’t know it would be the last time I saw Gram. I didn’t know that her handing me a container of lemon bath soap would mean I sparingly use it now, but I still keep it in the bathroom under the sink, just in case.

I didn’t know I wouldn’t want to go camping anymore, not because I hate camping or don’t like the bugs, but because it makes me think of cooking fruit pies over the open fire with her just a year ago.

I didn’t know her asking that day if she could help me plan a surprise for my mother’s 50th birthday would mean a lot more than just helping me pay for the plane ticket. It meant even after she passed, that we kept the trip a secret from my mom until I arrived because it’s what Gram would have wanted. She would have wanted us to really surprise my mom.

What would have been her birthday is in a little over a month and we’re having services for her in Vermont. I’m nervous. I’ve been to Florida twice since she passed to see my grandfather, so I know it’s real. But for some reason, these services scare me. I don’t want to even think of letting go. I don’t really want to acknowledge it. But I have to. So, today, I’m thinking, a lot. And I’ll keep wearing the ring my grandmother gifted me (it’s her birth stone), and maybe I’ll even pull her sweatshirt out of my closet tonight.